2022.05.12 女性乱伦者真正想要什么？

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What Do Female Incels Really Want?
Online, groups of women have started using the rhetoric of the incel movement. But to what end?

By Kaitlyn Tiffany
A pixelated woman's face, in a pink and blue gradient.
The Atlantic
MAY 12, 2022, 7 AM ET
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“We were all ugly,” Amanda, a 22-year-old student from Florida told me, recalling the online community she found when she was 18. “Men didn’t like us, guys didn’t want to be with us, and it was fine to acknowledge it.”

This Reddit forum was called r/Trufemcels, and she commented there under the username “strangeanduglygrl.” Amanda didn’t post very often, but she checked in every day on the community of self-identified “femcels,” or involuntarily celibate women. (I agreed to refer to her by her first name only, to separate her current life from her former internet identity.) They came to complain about the superficiality of men and the privilege of pretty women, and to share their experiences moving through the world in an unattractive body, which therefore disadvantaged them romantically, socially, and economically. They were finding the modern dating landscape—the image-based apps, the commodified dating “market,” the illusory “freedom” to be found in hookup culture—to be unnavigable, and they talked about taking a “pink pill,” and opening their eyes to the reality that society was misogynistic and “lookist.” They could be funny—in 2019, a commenter repeated a pretty friend’s suggestion that nobody really needs to wear makeup, adding five heart-eye emoji and a link to the joke subreddit r/thanksimcured. They could be kind of mean—like male incels, they mocked lucky, beautiful women, whom they called “Stacys.” Mostly, they wrote about being sad. “Normies can’t comprehend real loneliness,” an early post begins. “Guys don’t treat ugly girls like people,” reads another.


“I was the kind of girl in school where it was like, people would say ‘Oh, he has a crush on you’ to make fun of the guy,” Amanda told me. She was anxious and unhappy, but she didn’t want to talk about any of it with her friends. When she first heard the term femcel, it offered some clarity. “In a very literal way: I was involuntarily celibate and female. So I was like, Okay, that applies.” Online, she found thousands of other women who were trying to figure out how to live without the kind of romantic love that our society has deemed a pillar—maybe the pillar—of happiness. “Even though the women in the [subreddit] were pretty depressed and sad, it did give me reassurance,” she said. “At least there are other people out there who are like me. And they weren’t completely weird. They were pretty normal.”

Around the same time that Amanda was getting involved in the femcel community, mass media attention was focused on its far-better-known male counterpart. The lonely and angry young men of the internet became a subject of fascination because their language was disgusting and their threats of violence against women were real—incels deified the murderer Elliot Rodger, who killed six people (and himself) in Isla Vista, California, in 2014 and left behind a YouTube video in which he outlined his plans to punish women for rejecting him. Coverage also illuminated the broader “Manosphere,” the sprawling online network of disaffected young men that overlapped with the so-called alt-right and with President Donald Trump’s rabid army of MAGA trolls. In a 2018 report on “the intersection of misogyny and white supremacy,” the Anti-Defamation League outlined how incels’ sense of entitlement to sex was leading them toward other extremist spaces and beliefs. This was a scary and dizzyingly complicated story, and femcels, whose rage was quieter and whose presence was smaller, didn’t really factor in.


Five years later, incels are a known quantity, and femcels are the new mystery. In recent months, headlines have named 2022 “the year of the ‘femcel’” and heralded a coming “femcel revolution,” wherein women are “reclaiming involuntary celibacy” and asserting their right to give a name to their loneliness and alienation. This new recognition of femcels has tended to stop there. But incel had political meaning—people who identified with the term were read as reactionaries, the young, mostly white men who felt left behind as society progressed beyond its historical focus on their specific needs. The term femcel is now in widespread use, not just in Reddit forums but on every major social platform, including the Gen Z–favored TikTok, but we still don’t know what it’s for. If a femcel revolution is coming, what new world are femcels dreaming about?

When Amanda talks about the femcel community, she specifically contrasts it with one other option: contemporary liberal feminism, or maybe “girlboss” feminism, as popularized by Millennials and the brands that cater to them.

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“The liberal-feminist notion of like, supporting all women, feeling positive all the time … it’s disingenuous,” she told me. When she started identifying with the term femcel, it was partly because she felt a resentment toward a style of feminism that challenged traditional beauty standards mostly by asking those who fell short of them to feel beautiful anyway, regardless of their lived experiences. “I’d rather be able to talk about being ugly than just try to convince myself that I’m pretty,” she said.

In some ways, this logic is even more uncomfortable than the original incel logic. In a 2021 essay, the feminist theorist Jilly Boyce Kay argued that it’s not just incels who assume that “any woman can get sex from men.” This is a widespread cultural assumption. Women have long been understood to hold sexual capital; in modern dating culture, they’re expected to wield it. Femcels complicate that story. They feel the same sense of “humiliation and exclusion” that incels do, but they react to those feelings differently. “Incel discourse tends to project anger outward onto society in a hatred of women,” Kay told me when we spoke recently. That anger is expressed radically: through threats of violence, or through bizarre (though, arguably, imaginative) calls for the government to “redistribute” sex. “In femcel discourse, it does tend to be much more turned inward on the self,” she said. Though society is discussed as inherently “lookist” and unfair, femcels are not out to change it, because they don’t see it as changeable.


This inward-facing posture contributes to the difficulty in estimating the group’s size and summarizing its positions. When the most well-known Reddit forum specifically for femcels, r/Trufemcels, was banned from the platform in June 2020, it had just over 25,000 members. (The subreddit was one of 2,000 forums banned for “promoting hate” after a major change to Reddit’s content policies. A Reddit spokesperson declined to provide more detail on the decision.) The larger Vindicta subreddit was created as a space for femcels to discuss “looksmaxxing,” or improving their physical appearance with a combination of “soft” (makeup) and “hard” (plastic surgery) approaches, but has recently seen a diluting influx of non-femcels looking for beauty advice and sometimes offering words of encouragement. (This has caused problems: “Reminder to femcels, people who LIE to you and tell you that ‘you look fine the way you are’ are NOT on your side,” a moderator wrote last year. “They BENEFIT from you remaining ugly and not fixing your looks because it makes them more attractive relative to you.”)

Now femcels are scattered across what Kay tentatively calls the “Femisphere.” Some left Reddit altogether, moving instead to a small, femcel-specific board on the Reddit-look-alike site The Pink Pill, which has only 580 members. Another reason the femcel subculture is difficult to visualize and comprehend: They’re unwanted even in many women-only spaces, so they sometimes hide or are hidden. They were tolerated in the notorious Female Dating Strategy subreddit for a while, but were later kicked out. The Forever Alone Women subreddit welcomes them, but forbids the use of any incel or femcel lingo. A women-only 4chan-like imageboard called lolcow.farm has a reputation as another site that femcels have drifted to—and is covered with femcel lingo—but virulently denied their presence there when I posted on the site about this story. “They’re a fringe group that is mostly a meme,” one commenter wrote. “Femcels aren’t real,” another added.


Femcels are real, and their existence has meaning. But thinking of them as a unified group with specific political goals is less useful than thinking of them as overlooked individuals who are now being swept around the web, sometimes letting their insecurities and resentments lead them into unproductive conversations. The architecture of many of the forums they’ve ended up in encourages defensiveness, border-patrolling, exclusion, even aggression. For instance, while femcel culture is not inherently transphobic, there is an “overlap or amenability to transphobia,” Kay told me. Femcels, especially now, tend to find themselves on identity-based forums that are fixated on biological-essentialist ideas of gender—“women are like this, men are like that,” as Kay put it, more stagnant than revolutionary. “These spaces do just kind of become inward-looking, very defensive, rather than about imagining radical new futures,” she said.

In the past year, the term femcel has taken a surprising turn: It has been adopted by the mainstream internet. On Twitter, it’s an easy synonym for “depressed” or “not dating right now.” On Instagram, it’s a sort-of-funny word to pair with a baffling meme or a picture in which you actually look really hot and disaffected. It’s newly popular on TikTok, which has seen an odd trend toward semi-ironic sex negativity. And on Tumblr, it’s the latest word for describing your basic Tumblr user—a romantic loner who likes to blog. “The era of the incel is over, the era of the femcel has begun,” reads a tweet that has been circulating as a meme; the text appears above a graph that shows an increase in the number of women under the age of 35 who say they have not had sex in the past year. (The graph was created by a right-wing think tank with the creepy task of promoting the “natural family.”)


“It’s, like, an appropriation of ugly-girl culture,” Amanda said, when I asked her about the diffusion of the term. “I did kind of get that old feeling of like, You guys are not part of the group. You’re too pretty to be part of this group.”

On Tumblr in particular, the word is totally divorced from its original meaning, and is following the natural, goofy path of any internet word that is perceived to confer edginess and intrigue. Lila, a 21-year-old Tumblr user, recently used the “femcel” tag on a post that reads, in curling cursive script, asking myself if i can cook my instant noodles with vodka instead of water. The tropes of the toxic loner are not just for boys, she told me. (I agreed to use only her first name because she was worried about harassment.) Tumblr users are adding #femcel to images of antisocial icons like the super-skinny and delusional Natalie Portman in Black Swan, the Lisbon sisters of The Virgin Suicides, and of course Lana Del Rey, from whom they learned of the joys of cigarettes and cherry schnapps. “I just thought the word was funny and maybe even a little shocking,” Hannah, a 19-year-old Tumblr user who also tags some of her posts with #femcel, told me. “I knew it would get people’s attention. Most of my posts are ironic. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years.” (Hannah asked to go by her first name only, because she doesn’t want her identity associated with her Tumblr account.)


As silly (or maybe even annoying) as that may be, using the word femcel more lightly could hold some promise. Its literal use has been nearly tapped out. At the personal level, true femcels see two main options for themselves—they either give up on love and society altogether, vowing to “lie here and rot,” or they devote themselves to “ascending” through rigorous self-improvement and sometimes dangerous body modification. Broadly speaking, they’re finding their way to extremes but not toward anything revolutionary. A smaller number have recognized a “more politically hopeful” third option, Kay told me, which is to give up on men but not on the world. In abandoning heterosexuality, they work on “finding joy and intimacy in other ways” or “focusing on other areas of life which are not to do with romance and sex.”

Used more airily, the term femcel still highlights certain contradictions in contemporary life. There are many people who are experiencing similar, less articulated anxiety about their place in the gender order and about the pressure to locate happiness through sex and romance, which they must find through success in a marketplace. The 21st century was supposed to bring a wider range of options than this, but to many, it doesn’t appear to have. There are still winners and losers, Kay argues. She also cites the feminist philosopher Amia Srinivasan’s 2018 essay on incels, “Does Anyone Have the Right to Sex?” In it, Srinivasan wonders “how to dwell in the ambivalent place where we acknowledge that no one is obligated to desire anyone else, that no one has a right to be desired, but also that who is desired and who isn’t is a political question.” Femcels dwell in that ambivalent space all the time. Some may risk, as they say, rotting there. But others may emerge having thought more deeply than most about alternative ways of ordering their lives, of finding happiness and dignity on their own terms.


Amanda no longer thinks of herself as a femcel, and she looks back on the time when she did as an experience. (Her era of “femceldom,” she called it.) Today, she’s sympathetic toward the young women who have adopted the word, even if somewhat insincerely or inaccurately. On the internet, young women see more images of beautiful people every day than they have at any other time in history, she pointed out. A TikTok feed is “basically the popular girl in high school times 10 million.” It’s easy to feel like an outsider, and it’s also easy to feel like you’ve been lied to: If traditional beauty standards don’t matter, then why are they still celebrated all the time? What are we, stupid? “I think for girls, it just feels kind of infantilizing,” she said. “Like, we’re not allowed to think of ourselves as we really see ourselves.” It was illuminating, for a time, to have a word for that.

Kaitlyn Tiffany is a staff writer at The Atlantic.



女性乱伦者真正想要什么？
在网上，一些妇女团体已经开始使用 "不伦恋 "运动的言辞。但目的是什么？

作者：凯特琳-蒂凡尼
一个像素化的女人的脸，在粉色和蓝色的渐变中。
大西洋报
2022年5月12日，美国东部时间上午7点

这篇文章被收录在 "今天要读的故事 "中。"今天要读的故事 "是一份时事通讯，我们的编辑会在周一至周五推荐《大西洋》杂志的一篇必读文章。请在此注册。   

"我们都很丑，"来自佛罗里达州的22岁学生阿曼达告诉我，回忆起她18岁时发现的网络社区。"男人不喜欢我们，男人不想和我们在一起，承认这一点也没什么。"

这个Reddit论坛被称为r/Trufemcels，她在那里以 "sangeanduglygrl "的用户名发表评论。阿曼达并不经常发帖，但她每天都会在这个自我认同的 "女性"（即非自愿独身的女性）社区里发帖。(我同意只用她的名字来称呼她，以区分她现在的生活和以前的网络身份）。她们来抱怨男人的肤浅和漂亮女人的特权，并分享她们以一个没有吸引力的身体在这个世界上移动的经验，因此在浪漫、社会和经济上对她们不利。他们发现现代的约会环境--基于图像的应用程序、商品化的约会 "市场"、在勾搭文化中找到的虚幻的 "自由"--是难以驾驭的，他们谈到了服用 "粉色药丸"，并打开他们的眼睛，看到社会是厌恶女性和 "外观歧视 "的现实。他们可能很有趣--2019年，一位评论者重复了一位漂亮朋友的建议，说没有人真的需要化妆，并添加了五个心眼的表情符号和一个笑话子网站r/thanksimcured的链接。他们可能有点刻薄，就像男性不信任者一样，他们嘲笑幸运、美丽的女性，他们称之为 "Stacys"。大多数情况下，他们写的是悲伤。"正常人无法理解真正的孤独，"一个早期的帖子开始。"男人不把丑陋的女孩当人看，"另一篇写道。


"我是学校里的那种女孩，人们会说'哦，他对你有好感'来取笑那个男人，"阿曼达告诉我。她很焦虑，也很不开心，但她不想和朋友谈论这些。当她第一次听到femcel这个词时，它提供了一些清晰度。"从字面上看是这样的。我不由自主地独身，而且是女性。所以我就想，好吧，这也适用。" 在网上，她发现有数以千计的其他女性正试图找出如何在没有浪漫爱情的情况下生活，而我们的社会已经将这种爱情视为幸福的支柱，也许是支柱。"她说："尽管[subreddit]中的女性非常沮丧和悲伤，但它确实给了我安慰。"至少还有其他像我一样的人在那里。而且他们并不完全奇怪。他们很正常。"

大约在阿曼达参与女同性恋社区的同时，大众媒体的注意力集中在其远为人所知的男性对应方上。互联网上孤独而愤怒的年轻人成为一个令人着迷的话题，因为他们的语言令人厌恶，他们对女性的暴力威胁是真实的--媒体将凶手埃利奥特-罗杰神化，他于2014年在加州伊斯拉维斯塔杀死了6个人（和他自己），并留下了一段YouTube视频，其中他概述了他惩罚女性拒绝他的计划。报道还阐明了更广泛的 "男人圈"，这是一个由心怀不满的年轻人组成的庞大网络，与所谓的反右派和唐纳德-特朗普总统的狂热的MAGA巨魔军队重叠。在2018年关于 "厌女症和白人至上主义的交叉点 "的报告中，反诽谤联盟概述了incels对性的权利感是如何导致他们走向其他极端主义空间和信仰的。这是一个可怕的、令人眼花缭乱的复杂故事，而女同性恋者，其愤怒更安静，其存在更小，并没有真正被考虑进去。


五年后，煽动者是一个已知的数量，而女同性恋者则是新的谜团。最近几个月，头条新闻将2022年命名为 "女性主义者年"，并预示着一场即将到来的 "女性主义者革命"，其中女性正在 "收回非自愿独身"，并主张她们有权为自己的孤独和疏远命名。这种对女同性恋者的新认识往往止步于此。但是，incel有政治含义--认同这个词的人被解读为反动派，即随着社会的进步超越了对他们特定需求的历史关注，感到被抛弃的年轻男性，其中大部分是白人。现在，femcel这个词被广泛使用，不仅在Reddit论坛上，而且在每个主要的社交平台上，包括Z世代喜欢的TikTok，但我们仍然不知道它是为了什么。如果一场femcel革命即将到来，那么femcels梦想的新世界是什么？

当阿曼达谈到femcel社区时，她特别将其与另一种选择进行了对比：当代自由派女权主义，或者说是 "女老板 "女权主义，由千禧一代和迎合他们的品牌所推广。

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她告诉我："自由主义-女权主义的概念，如支持所有的女性，一直感觉积极......这是不真诚的，"。当她开始认同femcel这个词时，部分原因是她对女权主义的风格感到不满，这种风格挑战传统的美丽标准，主要是要求那些达不到标准的人无论如何都要感到美丽，不管他们的生活经历如何。她说："我宁愿能够谈论自己的丑陋，而不是试图说服自己，我是漂亮的，"她说。

在某些方面，这种逻辑甚至比最初的不伦恋逻辑更让人不舒服。在2021年的一篇文章中，女权主义理论家吉利-博伊斯-凯认为，不仅仅是乱伦者认为 "任何女人都可以从男人那里获得性"。这是一个普遍的文化假设。长期以来，女性被理解为拥有性资本；在现代约会文化中，她们被期望挥舞性资本。女同性恋者使这个故事变得复杂。她们感受到了与不结盟者相同的 "羞辱和被排斥 "的感觉，但她们对这些感觉的反应不同。"最近我们谈话时，凯告诉我："煽动者的话语倾向于把愤怒投射到社会上，对女性的憎恨。这种愤怒的表达方式是激进的：通过暴力威胁，或通过怪异的（尽管可以说是富有想象力的）呼吁政府 "重新分配 "性。她说："在女性的话语中，它确实更倾向于向内的自我，"她说。虽然社会被讨论为固有的 "外观主义 "和不公平，但女权主义者并不打算改变它，因为她们不认为它是可以改变的。


这种内向的姿态导致难以估计这个群体的规模和总结其立场。2020年6月，当最知名的Reddit论坛（专门针对女权主义者）r/Trufemcels被禁止进入该平台时，它的成员刚刚超过25000人。(在Reddit的内容政策发生重大变化后，该分论坛是因 "促进仇恨 "而被禁止的2000个论坛之一。Reddit发言人拒绝提供有关该决定的更多细节）。更大的Vindicta子版块是为女性讨论 "looksmaxxing"，或通过 "软"（化妆）和 "硬"（整形）相结合的方法改善她们的身体外观而创建的，但最近看到大量非女性涌入，寻求美容建议，有时还提供鼓励的话。(这已经引起了一些问题。"提醒女性，那些对你撒谎并告诉你'你现在的样子很好'的人并不站在你这边，"一位版主去年写道。"他们从你保持丑陋和不修复你的长相中获益，因为这使他们相对于你更有吸引力。")

现在，女权主义者分散在凯暂且称之为 "女权圈 "的地方。一些人完全离开了Reddit，转而在与Reddit相似的网站The Pink Pill上建立了一个专门针对女性的小板块，该板块只有580名成员。另一个原因是femcel亚文化难以形象化和理解。即使在许多女性专用的空间里，她们也是不受欢迎的，所以她们有时会躲起来或被藏起来。在臭名昭著的 "女性约会策略 "子版块中，她们曾被容忍过一段时间，但后来被踢了出来。永远孤独的女人 "分论坛欢迎她们，但禁止使用任何incel或femcel的行话。一个名为lolcow.farm的女性专用4chan图像板被誉为女性主义者的另一个网站，上面布满了女性主义者的行话，但当我在该网站上发布这个故事时，该网站坚决否认了她们的存在。"一个评论者写道："她们是一个边缘群体，主要是一种回忆。"Femcels不是真的，"另一个人补充说。


Femcels是真实的，他们的存在有意义。但是，把她们当作一个有具体政治目标的统一团体，不如把她们当作被忽视的个人，现在她们在网络上被扫荡，有时让她们的不安全感和怨恨把她们带入无益的对话中。他们最终进入的许多论坛的架构鼓励防御性、边界巡逻、排斥，甚至侵略性。例如，虽然女性文化本质上并不仇视变性人，但有一种 "对变性人的重叠或适应性"，凯告诉我。女同性恋者，尤其是现在，倾向于在基于身份的论坛上找到自己，这些论坛固守着生物本质主义的性别观念--"女人是这样的，男人是那样的"，正如凯所说，与其说是革命，不如说是停滞不前。"她说："这些空间确实变得有点内向，非常具有防御性，而不是关于想象激进的新未来。

在过去的一年里，femcel这个词发生了惊人的变化。它已被主流互联网采用。在Twitter上，它是 "沮丧 "或 "现在不约会 "的简单同义词。在Instagram上，它是一个有点搞笑的词，可以和一个令人困惑的备忘录或一张你看起来真的很热和心怀不满的照片搭配。它在TikTok上新近流行起来，TikTok出现了半讽刺性的性否定的怪异趋势。而在Tumblr上，它是描述你的基本Tumblr用户的最新词汇--一个喜欢写博客的浪漫的独行侠。"不伦不类的时代已经结束，女性的时代已经开始。"一条推文作为备忘录流传开来；这段文字出现在一张图表之上，该图表显示35岁以下的女性说她们在过去一年中没有过性行为的人数有所增加。(这张图是由一个右翼智囊团制作的，其令人毛骨悚然的任务是宣传 "自然家庭"）。


"这就像是对丑女文化的挪用，"阿曼达说，当我问她这个词的传播情况时。"我确实有种旧的感觉，就像，你们不是这个团体的一部分。你太漂亮了，不能成为这个群体的一部分。"

特别是在Tumblr上，这个词完全脱离了它的原始含义，并且正在遵循任何被认为赋予前卫和阴谋的互联网词汇的自然、愚蠢的路径。Lila，一个21岁的Tumblr用户，最近在一个帖子上使用了 "femcel "标签，上面用卷曲的草书写道："我问自己是否可以用伏特加而不是水煮方便面。她告诉我，有毒的独行侠的套路不只是针对男孩，（我同意只使用她的名字，因为她担心受到骚扰）。Tumblr用户正在将#femcel添加到反社会偶像的图像中，如《黑天鹅》中超级瘦弱和妄想的娜塔莉-波特曼，《处女自杀》中的里斯本姐妹，当然还有拉娜-德尔雷，他们从她那里了解到香烟和樱桃酒的乐趣。"我只是觉得这个词很有趣，甚至有点令人震惊，"19岁的Tumblr用户汉娜告诉我，她的一些帖子也用#femcel来标记。"我知道这将引起人们的注意。我的大部分帖子都是讽刺性的。我和我的男朋友已经谈了两年的恋爱"。(汉娜要求只用她的名字，因为她不希望她的身份与她的Tumblr账户相关联）。


尽管这可能很傻（甚至可能很烦人），但更轻松地使用femcel这个词可能有一些希望。它的字面意思已经几乎被挖掘出来了。在个人层面上，真正的女性主义者认为自己有两个主要的选择--她们要么完全放弃爱情和社会，发誓 "躺在这里腐烂"，要么通过严格的自我完善和有时危险的身体改造来致力于 "上升"。广义上讲，他们找到了自己的极端方式，但没有走向任何革命性的东西。凯告诉我，少数人已经认识到 "政治上更有希望 "的第三种选择，即放弃男人，但不放弃世界。在放弃异性恋的同时，他们致力于 "以其他方式寻找快乐和亲密"，或者 "专注于生活中与浪漫和性无关的其他领域"。

更加空泛地使用，femcel这个词仍然突出了当代生活中的某些矛盾。有许多人正经历着类似的、不那么明确的焦虑，他们对自己在性别秩序中的位置感到焦虑，对通过性和浪漫来寻找幸福的压力感到焦虑，他们必须通过在市场上的成功来找到幸福。21世纪本应带来比这更广泛的选择，但对许多人来说，它似乎并没有带来。凯认为，仍然有赢家和输家。她还引用了女权主义哲学家阿米亚-斯里尼瓦桑(Amy Srinivasan)2018年关于乱伦者的文章："任何人都有性权利吗？" 在这篇文章中，斯里尼瓦桑想知道 "如何居住在一个矛盾的地方，我们承认没有人有义务渴望其他人，没有人有权利被渴望，但也承认谁被渴望和谁不被渴望是一个政治问题。" 女同性恋者一直居住在这个矛盾的空间里。一些人可能冒着风险，正如他们所说的，在那里腐烂。但其他人可能会比大多数人更深入地思考如何安排自己的生活，如何根据自己的条件找到幸福和尊严。


阿曼达不再认为自己是女性，而她回顾自己是女性的那段时期是一种经历。(今天，她对那些采用这个词的年轻女性表示同情，即使有些不真诚或不准确。她指出，在互联网上，年轻女性每天看到的美女图片比历史上任何时候都多。TikTok的资料 "基本上是高中时受欢迎的女孩乘以1000万"。很容易觉得自己是个局外人，也很容易觉得自己被骗了。如果传统的美貌标准并不重要，那么为什么它们仍然被一直庆祝？我们是什么，愚蠢吗？"她说："我认为对女孩来说，这只是感觉有点儿幼稚。"就像，我们不允许把自己当成我们真正看到的自己。" 有一段时间，有一个词来形容这个问题，是很有启发性的。

凯特琳-蒂芙尼是《大西洋》杂志的一名工作人员。